Back to SKULE and Reality
Sep. 10th, 2017 03:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
irene_purinA lot of things were happening during this week so I didn't get to post anything, so here I am~
I arrived in Canada a few days ago, and after being in my internet-less cave for a month++, I'm finally back to the surface: I REUNITED WITH MY BELOVED INTERNET! The internet in my place in Indonesia is still dead till this moment though (apparently, it seems that the provider lied about being 'chased out' sort of, they actually refused to renew the renting period? I'm not sure though but Mom is planning to change provider XD)
ANYWAY! Here I am back with my internet XD
I arrived here on Wednesday night (arrived home around midnight) and SKULE started on Thursday. Yes, that girl with her jet lag went to school right after she arrived (she almost fell asleep in class *oops*). The first 2 days of school were pretty chill, so I could still procrastinate on unpacking my stuffs (Yes, I am THAT lazy LOL).
I started 99.9 Keiji Senmon Bengoshi around Friday night and have currently finished watching all the way to ep 8 and have skimmed through the last 2 episodes TEEHEE Yes, I'm REALLY curious about how this season ended since season 2 is starting next January >v< SO EXCITED!
Ok so here's something else happening in this week. I put it in a cut because... it looks cooler? Nah, just kidding. I just feel like this is pretty negative so yes, feel free to turn back here if you don't want to read weird essay XD I need to get this out of my head in order to move forward~
This is my 2nd time leaving for Canada yet it feels really sad and heavy. Yes, I did feel sad 2 years ago as well, when I got to leave for university for the first time. But there wasn't much pressure back then, or at least I was still unaware of those pressure.
Studying in Canada as an international student is pricy, not to mention I'm living with my aunt. Need to shape myself to not be a burden here, gotta be a good girl and not disappoint my Mom. That was my only thought when I first came here.
But this year, I came back here with more thoughts. I'm entering my 3rd year in university and need to find an internship for next summer. Most of the 3rd years at SKULE are looking for a PEY, which is basically a one-year internship. I heard that it's less competition compared to the 4-months internship, but well, I couldn't get a 4-months internship here at the end of my 2nd year. People said that it's mainly because most companies are looking for a 3rd year intern, but still, even though it's a small portion of my friends, some got it. I did end up getting an internship back home though, which was a really great experience. But the fact that I didn't get an internship here does bother me.
Mom did tell me that it's all for the best. Had I not gone back to Indonesia this year, my grandparents would have had to go back on their own, and since they're now pretty old, it'll be pretty hard for them to go on their own. And me going back also means that I could accompany them back here as well. Since the transit system is getting slightly more complicated, it would make it a lot more convenient that I was there to help them with stuffs, such as getting wheel chairs, going to transit hotel, immigration stuffs, etc.
Yes, those things really are true. I feel like everything in Indonesia was going on smoothly too, and I got to meet A LOT of my high school friends whom I've missed. I was happy during my time there (excluding the fact that my internet died for the last one month there LOL). But that also gives such a drastic difference of my 4-months in Indonesia and my life here: I need to get a lot of documents done, apply for jobs, study at skule, do group projects, and all other stuffs. And the fact that I need to do all those stuffs has been stressing me out quite a bit during early this week.
But you know what? Live goes on. No matter how much you want to run away, you still have to face it. It's hard, it's stressful, yes of course, but that's life. A human is not a robot who does its work without feeling anything, no. And you see, there's a part of me who kept comparing myself to others, which increase the stress I felt. I've been told that I should go at my own pace, but it's still hard when you see people around you excel so much that you feel behind.
I thought watching 99.9 was like me running away, not wanting to face stuffs. But well, doing all I mentioned above is my responsibility. I need to do that no matter how painful and stressful it is. That alone didn't erase my fear of failure, but it does make it better. And what happened yesterday was a pure coincidence yet was really meaningful. Here's what happened~ (I'll end the cut here since I want everyone to see this too!)
I downloaded "Arashi Blast in Hawaii" concert yesterday and it was looking great until they performed "Believe". I've watched the documentary where it was mentioned that Nino had a back pain during concert yet was still performing at his 100%. I was curious on which day did they put to this concert DVD so I was waiting for their "Monster" performance. It was done not with a high jump but a slide up instead... Yes, that concert was when Nino hurt his back. I watched till the end yet Nino didn't show a single sign of his pain. I honestly was stunned.
I then rewatched the documentary and relistened to what Nino said: "Of course it hurts, it's painful. But whenever we're doing something, when we receive money from people, I think it means that they're paying for our time. If during that time, we with our own reason lower our quality performance, I think it's unacceptable." It really hit me to the core.
Also followed by Ohno's word: "If we don't do our best on what's in front of us right now, when are we going to give our best?"
Yes, it really is something obvious, but we often forget this. I feel like me rewatching this right at the start of my school year is not a coincidence. It was meant to tell me something: It's ok to go at my own pace. Take one step at a time, as long as I give my 100% it will be alright.
OKIE! New school year, no matter what's coming, I'll do my best! FIGHT-O! >o<)9
I arrived in Canada a few days ago, and after being in my internet-less cave for a month++, I'm finally back to the surface: I REUNITED WITH MY BELOVED INTERNET! The internet in my place in Indonesia is still dead till this moment though (apparently, it seems that the provider lied about being 'chased out' sort of, they actually refused to renew the renting period? I'm not sure though but Mom is planning to change provider XD)
ANYWAY! Here I am back with my internet XD
I arrived here on Wednesday night (arrived home around midnight) and SKULE started on Thursday. Yes, that girl with her jet lag went to school right after she arrived (she almost fell asleep in class *oops*). The first 2 days of school were pretty chill, so I could still procrastinate on unpacking my stuffs (Yes, I am THAT lazy LOL).
I started 99.9 Keiji Senmon Bengoshi around Friday night and have currently finished watching all the way to ep 8 and have skimmed through the last 2 episodes TEEHEE Yes, I'm REALLY curious about how this season ended since season 2 is starting next January >v< SO EXCITED!
Ok so here's something else happening in this week. I put it in a cut because... it looks cooler? Nah, just kidding. I just feel like this is pretty negative so yes, feel free to turn back here if you don't want to read weird essay XD I need to get this out of my head in order to move forward~
This is my 2nd time leaving for Canada yet it feels really sad and heavy. Yes, I did feel sad 2 years ago as well, when I got to leave for university for the first time. But there wasn't much pressure back then, or at least I was still unaware of those pressure.
Studying in Canada as an international student is pricy, not to mention I'm living with my aunt. Need to shape myself to not be a burden here, gotta be a good girl and not disappoint my Mom. That was my only thought when I first came here.
But this year, I came back here with more thoughts. I'm entering my 3rd year in university and need to find an internship for next summer. Most of the 3rd years at SKULE are looking for a PEY, which is basically a one-year internship. I heard that it's less competition compared to the 4-months internship, but well, I couldn't get a 4-months internship here at the end of my 2nd year. People said that it's mainly because most companies are looking for a 3rd year intern, but still, even though it's a small portion of my friends, some got it. I did end up getting an internship back home though, which was a really great experience. But the fact that I didn't get an internship here does bother me.
Mom did tell me that it's all for the best. Had I not gone back to Indonesia this year, my grandparents would have had to go back on their own, and since they're now pretty old, it'll be pretty hard for them to go on their own. And me going back also means that I could accompany them back here as well. Since the transit system is getting slightly more complicated, it would make it a lot more convenient that I was there to help them with stuffs, such as getting wheel chairs, going to transit hotel, immigration stuffs, etc.
Yes, those things really are true. I feel like everything in Indonesia was going on smoothly too, and I got to meet A LOT of my high school friends whom I've missed. I was happy during my time there (excluding the fact that my internet died for the last one month there LOL). But that also gives such a drastic difference of my 4-months in Indonesia and my life here: I need to get a lot of documents done, apply for jobs, study at skule, do group projects, and all other stuffs. And the fact that I need to do all those stuffs has been stressing me out quite a bit during early this week.
But you know what? Live goes on. No matter how much you want to run away, you still have to face it. It's hard, it's stressful, yes of course, but that's life. A human is not a robot who does its work without feeling anything, no. And you see, there's a part of me who kept comparing myself to others, which increase the stress I felt. I've been told that I should go at my own pace, but it's still hard when you see people around you excel so much that you feel behind.
I thought watching 99.9 was like me running away, not wanting to face stuffs. But well, doing all I mentioned above is my responsibility. I need to do that no matter how painful and stressful it is. That alone didn't erase my fear of failure, but it does make it better. And what happened yesterday was a pure coincidence yet was really meaningful. Here's what happened~ (I'll end the cut here since I want everyone to see this too!)
I downloaded "Arashi Blast in Hawaii" concert yesterday and it was looking great until they performed "Believe". I've watched the documentary where it was mentioned that Nino had a back pain during concert yet was still performing at his 100%. I was curious on which day did they put to this concert DVD so I was waiting for their "Monster" performance. It was done not with a high jump but a slide up instead... Yes, that concert was when Nino hurt his back. I watched till the end yet Nino didn't show a single sign of his pain. I honestly was stunned.
I then rewatched the documentary and relistened to what Nino said: "Of course it hurts, it's painful. But whenever we're doing something, when we receive money from people, I think it means that they're paying for our time. If during that time, we with our own reason lower our quality performance, I think it's unacceptable." It really hit me to the core.
Also followed by Ohno's word: "If we don't do our best on what's in front of us right now, when are we going to give our best?"
Yes, it really is something obvious, but we often forget this. I feel like me rewatching this right at the start of my school year is not a coincidence. It was meant to tell me something: It's ok to go at my own pace. Take one step at a time, as long as I give my 100% it will be alright.
OKIE! New school year, no matter what's coming, I'll do my best! FIGHT-O! >o<)9
